Thursday, January 19, 2006

Evil Robo-Bob Dole Wins Olympic Medal

*waves hands, snaps fingers*

The former frontrunner for viceroy of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere left politics early last week to run a different kind of race—an actual one. Starting today, Evil Robo-Bob Dole is in training for the 100.276 kilometre dash. His press secretary, Karl the Sorcerer, released the following statement:

Friends, enemies, members of Congress and Parliaments the world over, I stand here today to deliver unto you the future of robotkind. And that future contains not titanium, but gold. Olympic gold. Your champion, Evil Robo-Bob Dole, can and will bring home the trophies with which you may adorn your spartan domes. Rather than seek prolonged competition with the Fakies and the Robotic shrubbery, Evil Robo-Bob Dole has switched to "chess" mode, leaving the others on "checkers". This has powerful implications on the global temporal market, but what it really means is, he's always thinking a billion steps ahead. With his robotic graft fully welded to his humanity, Evil Robo-Bob Dole is a marriage of modern technology and old world charm.

The article in full contains thousands of spelling and punctuation errors. After giving the release, Karl used his powers of transmorphation to transmutate all the reporters into postal workers and kittens. He didn't include what events Evil Robo-Bob Dole would be participating in, but since Evil Robo-Bob Dole is a king, it will assuredly be a kingly sport, such as horse racing or card counting.

*glances around nervously*

Or maybe he isn't really in the Olympics at all... we haven't seen Evil Robo-Bob Dole lately. This could be just like the time Gyrobo tried to trick us into moving to the Burning Sub-Blogosphere... and then he sealed us in! Natural causes my rotorblade! That was premeditated. He-

*abrupt awakening*

1 Comments:

Blogger Maskatron said...

>Query: can unit make synth-skin resin replica of Robo-Dole unit's facial features?

>Query: unit seeks reliable distributor of Beenleigh Blue ewe cheese.

>Query: what has happened to Xister pawn unit?

6:47 PM  

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